Taking the Cake

When I came home today from work, I walked through the front door and sneezed. After closing the front door, I turned around and discovered a couple sitting on my couch and eating a slice of cake. This was alarming for a number of reasons. Where had they acquired the strange forks? Were they recyclable? And, who eats cake in my living room with the TV off? That’s just didn’t seem right. Then I realized that they didn’t have napkins. Nor did they have anything to wash the cake down with.

They were a young couple, well dressed and handsome looking. She wore a silk blouse and red skirt and he had on a dark business suit.

I strode into the room and said, “Would you care for a glass of milk with your cake?”

The woman immediately choked on her bite of cake and began coughing. The man froze with a piece of red, white, and blue cake halfway between the plate and his open mouth.

Without waiting for their answer, I briskly marched across the room towards the kitchen.

“Who …? Excuse me! Where do you think…” the man sputtered in total confusion. He stood abruptly and dumped the cake on the floor staining the expensive white carpet.

I rounded the corner directly into the kitchen. Surely, the choking woman would need a glass of water at least, right?

“Wait right there!” the man shouted.

I deliberately went to the pepper shaker and sniffed it. Fortunately, it was the same pepper shaker as I had on my timeline.

The man rounded the corner and had his finger pointing at me. “You …” he started to shout in a tone of anger. But, just at that moment, the pepper tickled my nose and I sneezed again loudly.

Sniffing then, I reopened my eyes. Thankfully, I was back on my own timeline again.

My wife looked over at me from the kitchen table and said, “Would you stop sneezing around the house like that and make me a Martini?” She went back to her crossword puzzle.

Laughter bubbled up then. “Oh, the poor sod. I ought not have vanished in front of him like that.”

“What’s that, hun?” she asked.

I sniffed again and tried to regain some sense of composure. Then I held out the plate that I was holding in my other hand. “Care for a bit of cake, luv?”

She looked up and lifted one eyebrow.

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